but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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