Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
