So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
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