4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
