is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
Randomize
