it was like his penis was on wheels.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
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