I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
