I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Randomize
