i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
