Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Randomize
