Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
