oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
