It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
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