Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
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