i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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