Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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