I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I still have a little drunk in my system
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize
