No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
