Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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