Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
