Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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