im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Randomize
