I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
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