Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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