Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
