My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
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