we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
