Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
