Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Randomize