No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
so that wasnt chicken after all
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
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