I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
We are two peas in an std pod
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
