Kareoke will never be a sober sport
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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