I cockslap morals
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I licked your asshole in confidence.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
