so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Randomize
