my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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