so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
