well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
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