Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
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