oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
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