She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Randomize
