I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Randomize
