I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Randomize
