Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
