So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
