His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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