I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
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