I can feel you judging me through the phone.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Randomize
