I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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