um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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