last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
