How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Randomize
