i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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