So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Randomize
