before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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