I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
