I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
Randomize
