I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
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